I have been a very jealous human being in my life.  I wanted all the attention I could get.  It has literally taken years to undo my heart and build it right for God.

Jealousy…it comes in many forms.  People can be jealous over anything and

anyone.  It can cause humans to covert things others have.  Where does this emotion stem from? 

There is a lack inside our heart and God puts it there.  When we are born, we are born into sin whether we think so or not.  Nothing like a cute, cuddly baby….I know since I have recently become a grandmother. 

I talk to you today out of experience.  I always would look at others and want what they had.  It didn’t really matter what it was.  If I didn’t have it and it looked appealing to me, I wanted it, be it clothes, house, car, another man….it didn’t matter.

Jealousy would rage in me and I would always yell out, “Why can’t I have those things?”  I learned to control it as I got older and I was then able to keep it hidden.  I have finally been delivered from it but it took a lot of work on my part.  Occasionally I want something more (still to this day) but I am careful to take the feeling to God and explain to Him my viewpoint.  In doing this, it helps me to understand what or why I am feeling this way.

For example, my niece called me right before Christmas, telling me that her boss had a couch he was getting rid of and she suggested it for me.  I have had a loveseat for several years now (which replaced a futon) and have wanted what I call a “big girl” couch so several people could sit together without being squashed. 

The couch was brought over and had a slipcover over it that I discovered hid two tears in the front…fortunately they were for the most part on the seam.  I don’t care for slipcovers in the least so I took it off, looked at the tears, and thought to myself that it wouldn’t cost much to have it repaired.  Then I thought, “I really don’t have the money to do that right now and God might not release me to get them fixed anyway.” I thought about the couch a couple of days and thought, “Can’t I just have a new couch like other people?”  “Must I always take something that someone is getting rid of?”  But I knew this was God’s will, so I shut up and then the Holy Spirit put something on my heart as a way to fix the couch.  And, I still haven’t done it.  My heart just isn’t in it right now, so I cover up the eyesore with a throw.

Yes, that is a small instance but you can apply that to anything.  I have been in houses so big and beautiful that they seem surreal to me and then I wish for one as well.  But, I have learned while walking with God that if something isn’t supposed to be in my path, then I need to accept it and move on.  But I still stew over it (mixed in with some jealousy), and it can cloud my vision, which in turn hinders my life.  Acceptance is a big thing. 

Jealousy…  It can be the green-eyed monster and want anything from man.  But, one of the Ten Commandments requires that we not covet.  Simply put, this means wanting things that belong to others.  WE need to learn to be happy with what we have.  If we are really trying to do God's will, He is so just that He will bring things to us as long as we are being obedient.  I have spent hours telling Him why I would like to have a real home of my own, but if it is not supposed to happen, then I have to accept the fact.  NOT accepting this fact only hurts me. 

God loves us when we are humble and thank Him for what we have.  Always being jealous of what others have can become a bitter root within you and take over your thoughts.  It will have to be pulled out at some point for your own health and well-being.

Today if I see something I would like to have, it goes in my eye and right back out again.  If I have to take authority over it then I do so.  I don’t sit around and dwell on things or other women’s lives, homes and husbands.  Jealousy comes in many forms and it is deadly to you whether you walk with Christ or not.  It is

all consuming and I have seen it over take individuals to the point that it becomes a hidden force that stops them from having true peace in their heart, leading them down paths of destruction.

You have to learn to be happy with what you have.  It is all in the way you perceive it.  If you find yourself “wanting more,” perhaps this want for more was placed there by God, but then again, perhaps not.  The important issue is for you to be able to discern what His will for you is in any given situation.

If you are a single woman, want a husband, and are jealous of those who have one, then take it to God.  Maybe there is a reason He hasn’t brought you one yet.  Maybe He is getting you prepared for one.  Then again, maybe you aren’t supposed to be barking up that tree yet. 

I tell you though, God is all knowing, and if you will just go to Him and tell Him what you want, He (in His time) most likely will let you have it.  He has for me.  Everything I have asked Him for He had gotten to me.  Some things weren’t exactly like I wanted but I knew it was His will for me.  Other things were more than I thought I deserved but He thought I deserved them.  Then lastly, there are those things that are waiting to be loosed to me when God sees fit to loose them.  He has heard every request and every prayer I have ever prayed to Him and has answered them in some fashion.  I am quite certain He gets tired of me, but I would rather have His take on a situation then to try to figure it out my way.

If you are a jealous person always wanting what others have and always gripping because you don’t have, then there is a reason you don’t have.  It is time to STOP (start to pray).  Consider what you want and ask yourself why you want it.  If you feel you must have whatever it is that is consuming your thoughts, take your feelings to God and let Him help you.  Do you think He doesn’t already know? 

Jealousy?  Well, I tell you what.  God says that He is a jealous God, so if you will give your devotion solely to Him, I believe He will give His best to you…..

But, learn to be happy with what you have because until you do, I don’t think He will give you more….Satan might give it to you to try and destroy you but God won’t.

Learn to discern.

Molly            

I want to talk about a four-letter word that can not only destroy a world but can, if allowed, take root in a person, festering so much so the very nature of a human being is transformed.  And woe to those who are its recipients.

HATE- it is such a small word, yet it has such a big impact on those it touches.  It can be as forceful as a whirlwind that encompasses everything in its path, not stopping until the desired outcome is achieved, which is always in the form of destruction.

I have walked through the deep emotions of hate.  The hate, I believed, at the time was warranted (Isn’t it always?).  The feeling of hate inside of me was a bitter, bitter force that would drive me into lashing out at others in ways that were unbecoming, leaving me exhausted after each episode.  On the outside, I appeared well-dressed, coiffed and proper, but let someone wrong me and anger took over, turning me into a demonic force that shook with hatred.  I hated my life, I hated the way I acted, and I would feel great relief after it would spew out of me.

After finally surrendering my heart to Jesus, I began to learn the ways of the Lord and how to help myself.  (2 different Psychiatrists and 2 different Psychologists had never given me such help.)  I learned in spending time with the Lord that helping ME FIRST was critical to the outcome of my life.  Yes, we learn to live to serve one another as our Lord did, but if we need work, we need to focus our attention on ourselves in the beginning, allowing the Holy Spirit to help us in areas that need Him.  My hate was something that needed to be addressed.  Something told me I couldn’t love the way God wanted me to and hate at the same time.

There was one particular person God used to teach me about hate.  This was my ex-husband’s wife and stepmother to my child.  After five abortions, I had one living child and she was everything to me in my heart.  She was a wonderful child as well and I am not exaggerating.  Everyone seemed to love her (and still do to this day) except for this one person. 

Every other Friday evening my daughter would go to her dad’s house for the weekend and this was something she started doing when she was very young.  After several years my daughter needed braces, which she got, but not without a lot of arguing.  So one Friday her dad and his wife came to pick her up and they took her out to dinner.  During dinner, my daughter commented on the fact that she would like to have her teeth bleached when her braces were removed.  The reply she got was, “And who do you think is going to pay for that?”  A horrible argument followed, which brought my daughter to tears.  Her dad eventually told his wife that enough was enough and to say no more.  Several hours later the front door opened and my daughter came back in carrying her bags, her face was beat red and I knew something horrible had taken place.  I know I am talking about my daughter but objectively speaking, you couldn’t want a better friend or person in your corner….she is loving, kind and generous…. What a heart she has, so I knew if she was upset, something dreadful had occurred.

I had been trying to walk with the Lord at this time very dutifully and diligently.  I sat and listened to the story she recounted to me and the more she said, the more upset I got.  I actually thought my blood was going to boil over.  I had just learned the scripture which states, “Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.  I will repay.”  As I sat there and comforted her best that I could, I knew I couldn’t do anything before taking it to God.  This time I knew I had to handle this situation differently than I normally would have in the past if I really believed in God. 

I excused myself while she continued to talk to my mother and sister.  I went down into my little sanctuary which doubled as my bedroom and work area.  I positioned myself on the floor right in front of the couch and proceeded to spill my heart out to God over what had taken place.  I pointed my finger in the air, where I thought God was, and explained to Him very carefully that if He didn’t do something, I was going to get in my car, drive to my ex-husband’s house, ram it through the front door and then I was going to kill his wife.  Sitting before the Lord helped deflate the hate and I sat there until it was all out of me.  I stopped talking and all of a sudden as if by magic, a peace settled over me and I knew I had been heard.  Then I got up, shut up, reentered the den to nurse my daughter’s aching heart and waited on God.

I explained to my daughter, as I tucked her in bed, what had occurred with God and that we were not to tale bear about this with the family.  I explained that God would handle this and we were to behave as though literally nothing had taken place.  WE did not sit and dwell on what had happened that night.  That behavior and reaction was something I was accustomed to doing all my life.  It is like a piece of gum that loses its flavor, words get worn out, and they don’t accomplish anything in solving the situation.

Retribution for this situation or others that followed since that time did not come all at once from heaven and justice didn’t come the way I thought it would….but it did come.  By the time it came, I had been praying for this individual for some time and my heart had softened towards her.  Forgiveness was ready to break forth so I could get set free from the hate I had carried for her for several years.  But, the vengeance part….I can attest to you that when you truly have a case before the Lord God that is just, He will indeed rise up for you.  I can also tell you that you never want to be on the side of His retribution. 

I began to realize through the promptings of the Holy Spirit that an adult who lashes out at a twelve year old (in a public setting no less) is a person who is in need of Jesus themselves and the only way they can be set free of their own hell is through the divine deliverance of God. 

After months of waiting upon the Lord, I was faced with the opportunity of seeing this person one afternoon before Christmas.  She was dropping off my daughter and the Holy Spirit said, “If you want to work for Me and the Gospel, go down to the car and wish her a Merry Christmas.”  I argued with the Holy Spirit stating all the reasons I shouldn’t have to do that.  The response was always the same, with His tone becoming harsher each time I argued against doing this.  In that moment I knew I had no choice but to buck up under the authority of God and go speak to this woman who had so wronged my daughter if I wanted to work for God. 

As I opened the door, I saw my daughter look up at me from the window of the car and I knew she was scared at what I was going to do.  I got down to the end of the driveway, marched around to this woman’s side of the car and knocked on the window.  She turned around in amazement and I said, “I just wanted to wish you Merry Christmas.”  She was stunned.  My daughter was also shocked but pleased at the effort and I felt something come off me.  All the years I had hated this woman who had treated my only child as though she were less than good, melted away and I felt like a ton of bricks was lifted from my heart.  That day was a critical day for me in my walk with the Lord and my ability to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit….and to truly be set free.  

I have been privileged to see the other side of hate and I cannot stress enough that it will take courage to overcome deep feelings of hate.  Hate only breeds more hate.  Today, I have great peace knowing I did what God wanted me to.  If I had not been obedient that day and followed through, who knows if He would have allowed me to be here recounting this story to you.

I have learned about God through tangible circumstances.  I am not just pulling something out the air to talk about.  He will not just hand things to you just because you want them.  He tries to mold you into the person He would like for you to be and it takes great effort on your part.  One thing I can tell you is that if you will do your part, He will always do His part even if it is something you think He can’t do.  God is big enough for everything that comes at us but I don’t think we treat Him as if He is.

By the way, when the time came God did in fact open a door, through a friend of mine, and my daughter was able to get her teeth bleached and it was at no cost. 

To this day, I have had to intercede on my daughter’s behalf over and again due to this person (whom she doesn’t ever see).  My daughter has also learned to pray for this truly unhappy woman which helped her overcome the bad feelings she had for her.  

We all have choices to make and God will help us make the right ones even if we don’t understand why it has to be a certain way.  All of this boils down to trust in knowing God is real and ready to help deliver us all… not only for the sake of salvation but for the sake of our happiness.  The power of deliverance is supernatural but it is real.

Hate?  Today, I have no hate in my heart for anyone….thank God.

Molly            

When I came to Christ, I was full of generational curses, demons and so much hell that I felt at times like I had my own personal revolution going on inside, but I never told anyone.  I didn’t know much about the bible.  In fact, I had no clue every answer to every problem I had and would encounter was in it.  You couldn’t tell me anything like that.  Others had tried to tell me but I wouldn’t listen.  The bible had become, well, an institution in my heart and mind but it held no power for me.  How could a book hold power?  When my hard head was finally at its wit’s end I asked God to save me, and the Holy Spirit was faithful to begin to teach me how to help myself using God’s ways. 

One of the biggest things I had fought all of my life life was depression, hopelessness and for the will to go on.  Early in my walk with the Lord, I learned a scripture that actually helped me get up and move so I could function throughout each day.  Every morning I awoke depressed, having no hope due to my circumstances.  Eventually, I began to repeat this phrase every morning:  “Greater is He that is within me than he that is within this world.  Get off me Satan, in Jesus’ name!”  I would repeat those words until the funk would leave and I felt like I could get up and move forward.  On top of that, I learned that praising God lifted the spirit of heaviness that hovered on me.  (I did not know at the time that it was oppression.) 

I vividly recall a particular day in the middle of the afternoon.  I was feeling so blanketed with oppression that was so unbearably thick I couldn’t move.  All of a sudden, a thought popped into my head, “Praise God.”  I thought, “Praise God?”  I don’t want to.  I don’t feel like it.  Why would I praise God right now?  I feel like hell is coming at me.  The notion kept floating through my mind, so very, very reluctantly I knelt.  It was as if someone was pushing me to the floor, humbly positioning me and I started to lift my hands (which I still thought was funky) and I began to say, “I praise you, God.”  Over and over I went on and in about ten minutes, the oppression actually lifted.  I will never forget that day.  It was like a miracle had taken place.  In addition, a big smile came across my face and I knew that I had overcome something awful…for the time being.  Knowing I could defeat the feeling that had taunted me all of my life by praising God was a breakthrough. It was a shocker and the absolutely best thing that had ever happened to me up to that point in my walk with Christ.

I came to realize that I have not walked through my experiences that have taught me about God just for the betterment of my life.  I did this for my Father, and more importantly, I did this for YOU so you could learn how to come out of your own hell and be an overcomer.  Make no mistake about it, however.  It will take perseverance, time, and great effort on YOUR part if you want to really be a winner and defeat everything that will come against you in this life.  More importantly, you will learn more and more as you grow up into the things of God.  My warfare has changed over the years and so will yours.  Do not get the impression that you can speak some scriptures out in the air and life will be all good.  If you think that way, you are being misled.   A garment of praise will lift the spirit of heaviness and the best part about God is that He IS greater than Satan is (the one who is in the world).    

To put the icing on this cake, I have done most things this world has had to offer and I can tell you for a fact I was the one who was being misled.  If I could do it all again, I would CHOOSE to do life with Him all the way…there is nothing (sex, alcohol, drugs or money) that can take the place of Christ in you…It is a mystery but it is the greatest one of all.

Molly