Preface

Long, long ago and far, far away....just kidding! The time was Christmas 2006. Everything I thought I had known, everything I thought was my life, things I had grown up with, was turned inside out and upside down.

The previous summer I had written a play, Get Nailed. The play was unlike anything I had ever done. The play received accolades from two local college teachers and feeling it had merit, they provided the funding allowing me to take it to a local stage to raise money for needy families that Christmas. It was a very entertaining rendition of my ugly life, being satirical, yet poignant in its ability to reach others, detailing how Satan had tried to destroy my life through drinking, addictions, abortions and numerous setbacks.

Three days before the play was to go on, I proclaimed a fast and listened for any guidance from heaven. The Holy Spirit spoke to me and asked, “Are you ready to lay your life down for my children?” Without thinking anything of it, my reply was, “Well, of course, I am ready to lay my life down for you, Lord, and your children.” Then upon further reflection, as I pondered the question, I thought, “Come on, it’s not as if God would really ask me to lay my life down; not in this day and age…would he?”

The big night came after just one dress rehearsal (I use the term dress rehearsal loosely) and I just knew I was headed for Broadway! I had done benefits in the past that were successful but that night my pride took a big hit. The play did not turn out as I thought it would in terms of attendance, but soon I discovered it turned out exactly the way God wanted it to. I had always told God I would “go” and do what he told me, even if it were just for one person and that night he tested my commitment.

After the play, I hit a wall. In the days following, I could hardly function. My daughter noticed a big change and kept asking me what was wrong. My speech was slurred and at times, I could hardly manage to get words to form. It was very odd. Nothing like this had happened to me before. The day of New Year’s Eve, I called everyone in my family and told them how much I loved them.

I went to sleep that night as usual and awoke the next morning not really being cognizant of my surroundings. Then little by little, it started to flood back as to what had happened. The Spirit of the Lord took me to heaven to have a big meeting. This was not the first time something like this had happened, but this time it was deadly serious.

I was sitting at a table talking to someone, not being able to make out the form or the exact person. I begged them not to send be back down to earth and desperately pleaded my case. I stated, “I have already lived through hell on earth. Please don’t make me go back.” The response I received was calm, clear, and to the point. “You have to go back to fulfill your mission.”

My mission is this: I am to get to the nations the truth of Jesus Christ’s resurrection, teaching others what the Holy Spirit has taught me in a simple and clear way. I am not everyone’s cup of tea or coffee (my favorite) but for those who will listen; my story will be life changing. I am a cut to the chase type of person with no holes barred. Time is late, I am too old, and there are souls caught in the balance. I have been left here only to make a difference for those to whom I am called.

Many people are in the dark about who God really is. There are many voices saying so many things that great confusion is taking place. I am here to shed light in this area so people can gain the victory right here and right now. I have literally walked through years of schooling in the Holy Ghost to discover the truth beyond any shadow of doubt. I have come to answer for you the question, “Is God really real?”

In the seventh grade, I read a book called Black Like Me. It is the story of a man who actually dyed his skin using a drug so he could appear to be black. He was able to infiltrate the black and white community by walking in another man’s shoes. I have done the same thing to an extent. I was born and raised a Presbyterian, went to a Methodist church with my high school sweetheart, got married in an Episcopal church and later joined a Baptist church. In addition, I have walked through many things one can experience on earth, coming out the victor.

I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I needed something else, something more and something different than I had. I found “it” where I didn’t expect. I have been literally pulled through the tunnel of life so I can turn around and help pull you out…whoever you are.

One by one, God has sent people to me so that I can minister to them. A girl asked me one time, “How can you possibly know so much about everyone and their hurts and pains?” My reply was simple-“Because I have lived through the same things.” I didn’t ask to. It was my destiny.

My personal journey is mind-boggling. My life has been saved only, and I repeat only, for the ones it is supposed to touch, with the healing, delivering power, love, and hope of Christ. It will be hard at times for you to believe what God has done in my life but this is my attempt to tell you. I have had two complete strangers prophesy over me, telling me about a book I was to write for the nations. This is that book.

I always imagined if I ever wrote a book that it would be thicker than Gone with the Wind. I want you to understand this book is by no means the whole ball of wax. I will start by giving you an overview of some of the things I have experienced on this earth. I refer to it as “The List.” People are shocked, amazed, horrified, and repulsed. Nevertheless, they are affected in some way, whether good or bad. If after reading it, you don’t think I have a basis for telling you anything, then you are not one of the ones I am supposed to reach. On the other hand, if you are someone the Lord is going to reach with my story, you will find what you are about to read life changing.

The List

Married twice (once to Satan)
Verbally/Physically abused
Diagnosed a Manic-Depressive and later with Bi-polar disease
Moved 16 times in 28 years
Bank manager (at 24 years old)
Jobs, jobs and more jobs
Five abortions
Shock treatments
Counseling (Two Psychiatrists and two Psychologists)
Panic attacks (Agoraphobia)
Hypochondriac (Something was always wrong with me. I needed something physically to focus on to ease my pain.)
Hysterectomy (34 years old)
DNC
Gallbladder removed
Cesarean (I have one living child)
Laparoscopy (Exploratory surgery-please find something wrong for me to focus on!)
Dental work (I used this to obtain pain pills. Life to me was better high)
Lying/Conning doctors to get what I want
Alcoholic
Smoked dope (I found pills better. Dope only made me wacky and paranoid. I was on so much antidepressant medication that I wanted to feel high, not nervous.)
Smoked three packs of cigarettes a day
Two cars repossessed (I had to turn a third one in voluntarily.)
Filed bankruptcy
Owned business (I opened a business with $88.29.)
Attempted suicide
Physically hurt myself
Weight problems (I have been over 200 lbs. 4 times in my life.)
Had money, been broke and everything else in-between
Sex (I have had more sex than you can fill up a sanctuary with.)

By the time I was thirty-nine years old, I was sick and tired of life. I had tried everything I knew to be successful and happy. I had exhausted every avenue that was opened to me.

One day, I looked up to heaven, raised my right hand in the air, pointing at God (where I thought he would be) and said, ”If you are really real, you are going to have to help me ‘cause I don’t want to live down here like this anymore. I would rather you take me home now.” I added, “I will be damned to hell if my daughter’s life is going to end up like mine.” My statement was plain, simple and to the point. There is just a time when BS doesn’t cut it anymore. By this time, the “Queen of BS” was tired of it all. My big mouth was tired of running on and on and I needed some help.

In order to bring you the whole truth of how I came through the tunnel, I need to take you to what I like to call the PJ (pre-Jesus) days. I have to go back to events that happened in my life, building the foundation for what my life has come to be. I want this story to contribute to the process of justice that is going to break forth in order to expose the devil for who he is and expose God for who he really is. My story is not a pretty story. I can tell you today that I am sane, set free, delivered, and drug-free.

Satan entered my life and soul when I was six years old. What followed after he entered my life was more than I thought I deserved and more than I had bargained for. The sin in my life was so horrific that it took years to be atoned for. If I had not raised my hand to heaven that fateful day, I would not be alive to recount this story. If just one person reads this book and discovers what I discovered along the way in my walk with God, then it will have been worth it all. I am called to be transparent with my life and while I am not dying to air my dirty laundry, I am determined to be obedient to what God is telling me to do. I humble myself before heaven so that others can be set free.

Molly Malvern Painter

The St The Stained Glass Windows

My sister and mother asked me to take a trip with them to our hometown of St. Albans, W. Va. in October of 2007. It was the first time I had been there or anywhere else in years. The trip wasn’t going to cost me anything. All I had to do was get in the car and go along for the ride. I believed I was being given an opportunity to have a rest. But, what I didn’t realize was this was a destiny moment in my life and I had to go.

I am self-employed and live on what I call “raw faith,” financially speaking, feeling I could never take any time off from working. I had an ache in the pit of my stomach and really didn’t want to make the trip. It took some convincing for me to say yes. Several nights later, I had a dream that made the decision for me.

In the dream, I was sitting next to my mother and several others, whose faces were blurred, on a church pew in the sanctuary of the church I had grown up in. I saw a multitude of colored lights beaming from what I knew deep within to be one of the stained glass windows there. The morning after this dream, the answer of whether or not to make this trip was mute, so I reluctantly packed my belongings. I had to be sitting in the church sanctuary with my mother to receive something I needed. I had no idea what the outcome would be but this type of circumstance had happened to me once before, years earlier, so I knew I had to be obedient and follow through.

As our car made its way through my hometown to my aunt’s house, the streets seemed quite a bit narrower than they had been, but, of course, they were the same size. The houses seemed closer together and things in general were not as large and looming to me as they had been when I was young. The town had become a worn and faded memory, much like an old picture that yellows with age. (Thank God, I haven’t started to yellow!) My mother and sister believed we were all going there for just a visit but what they didn’t know was I was only going because I knew I had to. The only thing on my mind as we made our way to my aunt’s house to stay was, what was in the sanctuary I needed?

We got all settled in and I felt anxious. What in the world was I to discover that could only be given to me by my physically being here? We had been in town for a couple of days, seeing relatives, going out to eat and shopping, but all that was on my mind was hurrying the time by so Sunday would arrive.

Finally, the day came. We got all dressed up and headed for the First Presbyterian Church of St. Albans, W.Va. The church, to me, was magnificent in its splendor. The stained glass windows were, and still are, the most beautiful ones I have ever seen. I carried that church and the memory of the stained glass windows in my heart all through the years as if they were a secret treasure only to be pulled out and remembered when I needed to recall an easier time in my life.

My heart was racing as we made our way into the sanctuary that morning. I sat down right beside my mother as if it was destined to be that way. All of a sudden, I was taken back in time to the Sundays I would sit beside my mother as a child, falling asleep on her shoulder, as I was staring at the stained glass windows, as the Pastor would bring the weekly message. Those windows held the key to everything for me but what was the secret that had to be unlocked?

I sat there that morning awaiting my revelation. Clearly, I was positioned correctly so why wasn’t something happening? The service started and I waited….and waited. Nothing happened. Time had erased from my memory what was etched on the windows. I sat there and I looked at each one, studying it for the answer, the reason I was supposed to be there. One window contained the picture of a woman who was prostrate on the ground, holding onto the Cross of Christ with both arms as if her very life depended on it. My gaze then turned to the next one. There was a huge angel hovering over shepherds in the field, as if telling them of the Christ child who was born in Bethlehem to save us all. What was it I was supposed to get from those pictures? Yes, they were beautiful. Yes, the colors and the detail were amazing but what was I missing and why did I have to be in that sanctuary? There was no earth- shattering, out of body, experience. The service had continued without any fanfare and it was over. My heart sank. I knew I had been called there but why? I wanted to make certain I had a copy of the windows so I had my sister take pictures of them after the service.

My childhood home had been torn down years earlier, making room for additional parking for the church. We walked across the paved lot as we left and I made a joke out of the fact our car was parked in our old living room but it really wasn’t funny to me. I was back in my hometown, not really wanting to be there, yet I had made the trip because I felt I was supposed to… but why? We drove out of the church lot that day to have lunch with relatives and I felt forlorn.

Later that afternoon, I went back to my aunt’s house, undressed and laid on the bed thinking about the church and the stained glass windows, knowing the multi-colored lights in my dream had something I needed. Prior to this visit, I had not been back in that church since my grandmother’s funeral. I vividly recall something drawing me there at her funeral. I entered the church by way of the side doors that sad day and went inside to sit. It was at a time in my life I desperately needed answers and this was always the place I felt better and more at ease, peaceful. I thought Jesus lived there but how could he help me with my life? I sat, recalling the mud pies I made as a child on the steps of the fellowship hall, each one precise. As I became older, I would sit on the ledge that surrounded the church watching the cars drive past. Everyone noticed you. Cars would honk with familiar faces, hands waving in the air. Why did I feel the need to go sit in the sanctuary? I had taken time off from work to go back to my hometown and my grandmother’s funeral, but the days had quickly passed and now it was time to go back to the life I hated. Sitting there in the quiet that day didn’t give me the answer I needed. What was it? Why had I felt so compelled to go and sit there? I believed there was going to be an answer for my life. Why did I feel something would take place there that day changing my wreck of a life? Did I think someone was going to come in there and save me? I was lost and I needed help. I wanted to go back and start my life over from the beginning. I was dying inside. Wasn’t there anyone who could help me? I recall walking out of the church that day feeling empty, lost and alone and most of all, scared of what was to come. Someone please help me….

I was feeling the same sense of why as I feel off to sleep that afternoon after the service. I knew I hadn’t come back to my hometown for nothing, but I had no clue as to the reason for this trip after all these years.

The Stained Glass Windows Coming June 2010!