I have committed many crimes against heaven and still, in God’s infinite wisdom, He has chosen to use me to help His children find their lives at the foot of the Cross.
I had had most things you could buy, had loved much, but was still left with a feeling that I had no life and something was wrong. One evening, while going through the word of God, I was given a scripture Matthew 16:25 “For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”
I read and reread that scripture until it had really sunk in my spirit and I knew that I was being told I was going to have to lose my life. Not knowing any better, I asked the Lord, “Am I going to have to die or something?” I had tried so many things looking for happiness but since everything I tried failed, I finally raised my hand to Heaven…Christ was my last hope.
I was tired of my BS and I felt that if He was real, I couldn’t BS Him anyway, so I was very honest with Christ from the beginning. I believed He would help me if I would just try to walk with Him. I didn’t know how He was going to help me, but I knew in that moment in time if I didn’t surrender my heart to Him, that it would be detrimental to me and I was all about “me.”
I was a girl who stood outside looking in a window, peering at people who seemed so happy, hugging each other, kissing, and laughing, while “dining out” on life. Seeing them (not realizing I was on the outside of the glass window), I began doing only what I knew to do by imitating them in the ways they behaved. When something would knock me down and I would get disappointed or be severely depressed, someone would be placed in my path that seemed to be doing well. Then somehow (by seeing them) I was able to pick myself up and try again to strive for the happiness I longed for…but at the end of day I was still empty.
The deep revelation of Christ having the power to set me free from the chains I was held in is what finally broke the window so I could experience true joy and happiness from within, while striving to do His will. The torment of my mind was finally shattered.
In order to find your life you are going to have to put the effort into learning about what your inheritance is as a child of God and lose your self in Him. I can’t do it for you, watching TBN all day long can’t do it for you, and trying to work your way into His good graces won’t do it for you. YOU have to go after God each and every day, even though you feel you are all alone and feel that perhaps you are the only one who is doing what you are doing… but in actuality, you are never alone. The Holy Spirit will help you just like He helped me, bringing you into your divine destiny and life.
No one can make you. I asked God to give me a hunger and thirst for Him that I could not satiate with anything else but Him, because knowing me and my history thus far, I knew it was going to take just that to keep me steady and on the path.
Don’t be deceived; God is not mocked whatever a man sows, that shall he also reap…sow for your life because that is the place you will be happy.
I lost my life to Christ and by doing that, I finally found it and as difficult as it has been, I wouldn’t have had it any other way…To God be the glory.