I want to talk a little about having no hope.  Many times, in my past, I have literally had no hope.  I couldn't see a way out, and things were so dark that darkness was looming all around me.  I had no choice but to hope that Christ was real.  

What was so amazing is that I discovered that I had believed in the myth of God but, what to my wondering eyes should appear was a living Savior.  If you had tried to beat me over the head with Jesus I would have run from you (and I did to several who tried to help me).  I was so hardheaded that even a two by four could not have hurt me if you had given me a good whack on the noggin.  I look back now and see that that is probably what I had needed the most (ha-ha)!

So, I understand when you feel like you have no hope thinking you are blocked in no matter which way you turn.  I am here to tell you that you might have to walk through some things to get to the other side (I know I certainly did) but if you will at least try something, anything different than what you are doing right now Jesus will intervene.

Don't be fooled by the witchcraft of people who say you don't have to work to help yourself or those who say, ‘Wait on the LORD' and he will come through.  Well, unless you are willing to do your part then he is not going to just deliver you out of a mess. 

But, realize that if you are standing in a place you don't want to be in or don't like or feel you don't deserve then take the advice of someone who has been there—kneel and ask Jesus to help you.  Get up, and do your part (by working) and he will come along in his way and bring you hope.  It might not be as you think or how you would like for it to be done, but he will come in his way.

Satan has come to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10) and he is doing a pretty good job of it by what I am seeing and hearing.  You have the authority over him.   Call upon the name of Jesus and allow him to help restore your hope again. 

Molly

Preparations

I feel unneeded.  I feel lost.   I feel confused.  I have to have a purpose.

As I have gotten older, I have begun to feel unneeded.  It is something very important to me.  I need to be needed.  At one point in my life, I was the mom that was needed for car rides to and from activities.  I was also a mom that was needed to help with homework.  I was a mom who washed dirty faces and dried teary eyes. I was a mom who took her daughter for a milkshake every time that a boy, that she cared about, hurt her feelings. I was a mom who read the bedtime stories and tucked my children into bed.  Now, I am just a mom. 

As I have gotten older, I feel lost.  I don't remember like I used to.  I can't hear as well as when I was younger.  I can't move as fast anymore.  I lose my way easier. 

As I have gotten older, I feel confused.  I don't know what to do at times.  I was so sure of myself and knew what to do when problems arose.  I didn't have to talk to myself and write things down.   I was on top of things. 

Four months ago when I lost a dear friend and my children moved away, God taught me something.  He taught me that I need to live one day at a time.  Don't over analyze things that have not happened yet.  Breathe deep.  Slow down.  Live this day to the fullest.  I believe that he helped me through that pain four months ago by putting up a barrior of some kind so that the blow, even though it was deep, didn't scare me.  Didn't make me angry.  He gave me the motivation to move on.  It is so easy to give advice to someone when they are hurting.  It is so easy to say, "There is a reason for everything." 

I found out a week ago that I have breast cancer.  Just those words unnerve me.  I feel emotionally fragile right now.  So my "one day at a time" teaching has become beneficial.  They always say that God knows everything.  He is our maker.  He knows the beginning to the end.  HE wrote the story for goodness sake.  So he knew that I needed to learn this four months ago.  How could I have known that I was preparing for this? 

So now instead of being needed, I am in need.  It is funny how things can be reversed in a split second.  I feel lost but in yet, found because God is preparing me for this journey.  I still feel a bit confused but like he has taught me, it is one day at a time and he is in the driver's seat.  For someone that was always in control of every situation, I am feeling a lot of grace and mercy right now. 

He has reminded me lately of what I used to be and what I am now.  Sometimes rewalking your life through his eyes is very humbling.  I can look at people that I meet, without judging, and see my old self.  I was so overbearing, so loud and so in control over everything.  I made everyone unhappy including myself.  I am so opposite of that right now.  He has brought me this far.  There is no turning back. 

God has always been good to me.  He will see me through this and every other challenge that may come my way.  Like I told my father yesterday, if you don't have faith, you have nothing at all.  The world can mess with your emotions.  It can make such small things seem so large.  But I promise you one thing, God is larger than it all.  He is the Alpha and the Omega. The beginning and the end.  As the song goes, "God can do anything but fail."  God Bless you all. 

Susan