The time was Christmas 2006. Everything I thought I had known—everything I thought was my life, things I had grown up with—was turned inside out and upside down.
The previous summer I had written a play—Get Nailed. It was unlike anything I had ever done. The play received accolades from two local college teachers and feeling it had merit, they provided the funding that allowed me to take it to a local stage to raise money for needy families that Christmas. It was a very entertaining rendition of my ugly life—satirical, yet poignant in its ability to reach others. It detailed how Satan tried to destroy my life through drinking, addictions, abortions, and numerous other setbacks.
Three days before the play was to be performed, I proclaimed a fast and listened for any guidance from heaven. The Holy Spirit spoke to me and asked, “Are you ready to lay your life down for my children?”
Without thinking anything of it, my reply was, “Well, of course I am ready to lay my life down for you, Lord, and your children.” Then, upon further reflection, and as I pondered the question, I thought, Come on, it’s not as if God would really ask me to lay my life down—not in this day and age…would he?
The big night came after just one dress rehearsal—I use the term dress rehearsal loosely—and I just knew I was headed for Broadway! I had done benefits in the past that were successful, but that night my pride took a big hit. The play did not turn out the way
I thought it would in terms of attendance, but soon I discovered it turned out exactly the way God wanted it to. I had always told God I would go and do what he told me, even if it were just for one person, and that night he tested the very words I had vowed to him.
After the play, I hit a wall. In the days following, I could hardly function. My daughter noticed a big change and kept asking me what was wrong. My speech was slurred, and at times, I could hardly manage to get words to form. It was very odd. Nothing like this had happened to me before.
On New Year’s Eve, I called everyone in my family and told them how much I loved them. I went to sleep that night as usual and awoke the next morning not really cognizant of my surroundings. Then, little by little, what happened started to flood back. The Spirit of the Lord had taken me to heaven to have a big meeting. This was not the first time something like this had happened, but this time was deadly serious.
I was sitting at a table talking to someone, unable to make out the form or the exact person. I begged him not to send me back down to earth, desperately pleading my case. I stated, “I have already lived through hell on earth. Please don’t make me go back.”
The response I received was calm, clear, and to the point: “You have to go back to fulfill your mission.”
My mission is this: I am to get to the nations the truth of Jesus Christ’s resurrection, teaching others what the Holy Spirit has taught me in a simple and clear way. I am not everyone’s cup of tea—or coffee, my favorite—but for those who will listen, my story could be life-changing. I am a cut to the chase type of person with no holds barred. Time is late; I am too old, and there are souls caught in the balance. Many people are in the dark about who God really is. There are many voices saying so many things that great confusion is taking place. I am here to shed light in this area so people can gain the victory right here and right now from a living Savior. I have literally walked through years of schooling in the Holy Ghost to discover the truth beyond any shadow of doubt. I have come to answer for you the question, “Is God really real?”
In the seventh grade, I read a book called Black Like Me. It is the story of a man who actually dyed his skin using a drug so he could appear to be black. He was able to infiltrate the black and white community while walking in another man’s shoes. I have done the same thing to an extent. I was born and raised a Presbyterian, went to a Methodist church with my high school sweetheart, got married in an Episcopal church, and later joined a Baptist church trying to work my way to heaven. I also attended several charismatic churches in my quest to seek the truth. In addition, I have walked through many things one can experience on earth, so I can turn around and help others, whether they are Christians or not, with a message of hope.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I needed something else—something more and something different than I had. I found it where I didn’t expect. I have been pulled through the tunnel of life so I can turn around and help pull you out, whoever you are.
One by one, God has sent people to me so that I can minister to them. A girl asked me one time, “How can you possibly know so much about everyone and their hurts and pains?”
My reply was simple: “Because I have lived through the same things.” I didn’t ask to. It was my destiny.
My life has been saved only—and I repeat only—for the ones it is supposed to touch with the healing, delivering power, and love of Christ. It will be hard at times for you to believe what God has done in and through my life, but this is my attempt to tell you. I have had two complete strangers prophesy over me, telling me about a book I was to write for the nations. This is the book.
I always imagined if I ever wrote a book that it would be thicker than Gone With the Wind. I want you to understand this book is by no means the whole ball of wax. I will start by giving you an overview of some of the things I have experienced on this earth. I refer to it as “The List.” People are shocked, amazed, horrified, and repulsed. Nevertheless, they are affected in some way, whether good or bad. If, after reading it, you don’t think I have a basis for telling you anything, then you are not one of the ones I am supposed to reach. On the other hand, if you are someone the Lord is going to reach with my story, you will find what you are about to read amazing.
[Note to layout: subheading 1] The List
[Note to layout: Bulleted List]
- Married twice
- Verbally and physically abused
- Diagnosed a manic-depressive and later with bi-polar disorder
- I have lived in eighteen different homes in my life.
- Bank manager at twenty-four years old
- I have had twenty-six separate jobs.
- Five abortions
- Shock treatments
- Counseling (two psychiatrists and two psychologists)
- Panic attacks (agoraphobia)
- Hysterectomy (at thirty-four years old)
- D and C
- Gallbladder removed
- I have had extensive dental work done which provided the pain pills I became addicted to.
- Lying and conning doctors to get what I wanted
- Smoked dope
- Smoked three packs of cigarettes a day
- I had two cars repossessed and turned another one in voluntarily.
- Filed bankruptcy
- Owned a business I started with only $88.29
- Attempted suicide
- Physically hurt myself
- I have had weight problems, having been over 200 pounds four times in my life.
- Had money, been broke, and everything else in between
- Have had more sex than I care to remember
By the time I was thirty-nine years old, I was sick and tired of life. I had tried everything I knew to be successful and happy. I had exhausted every avenue that was open to me.
One evening, I looked up to heaven, raised my right hand in the air, pointed at God—where I thought he would be—and said, “If you are really real, you are going to have to help me ‘cause I don’t want to live down here like this anymore. I would rather you take me home now.” I added, “I will be damned to hell if my daughter’s life is going to end up like mine.” Then sealing my fate, I said, “Give me a hunger and thirst for your Word that I cannot satiate with anything else but you.”
My statement was plain, simple, and to the point. By this time, the queen of BS was tired of it all. My big mouth was tired of running on and on, and I needed some help. In order to bring you the whole truth of how I came through the tunnel, I need to take you to what I like to call the PJ days—pre-Jesus.
I have to go back to events that happened in my life that built the foundation for what my life has come to be. I want this story to contribute to the process of justice that is going to break forth in order to expose the devil for who he is and expose God for who he really is.
Satan entered my life and soul when I was six years old. What followed was more than I thought I deserved and more than I had bargained for. If I had not raised my hand to heaven that fateful day, I would not be alive today. If just one person reads this book and discovers what I discovered along the way in my walk with God, then it will have been worth it all. I am called to be transparent with my life, and while I am not dying to air my dirty laundry, I am determined to be obedient to what God is telling me to do. I humble myself before heaven so that others can be set free.
The accolades of man are for but a moment in time. The praises of God are for eternity.
Molly Malvern Painter